I'm currently reflecting on my therapeutic practice and my counselling philosophy. I describe myself first and foremost as a 'Person-Centred Counsellor' and much as my philosophy is very much based in Carl Rogers' original Client-Centred Therapy, I'm very aware that I'm not a purist Rogerian therapist.
As my confidence and experience has developed, I've integrated ideas, theories and practices from other schools of therapeutic thought including Gestalt, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, Psychodynamic, and more. My research over the last couple of years has also begun to lead me down paths of Body Psychotherapy and I’m increasingly aware of the role of the body and its communications within the therapy room. I’ve always been intrigued by body language, by client’s gestures and movements. And, as our bodies are how we present our Selves in the world, I believe their potential for communication and understanding is very often underestimated, or even ignored.
In my experience, which concurs with a recent conversation I had with a very experienced therapist, when we set out on our paths as counsellors / therapists we quite often tend to stick rigidly to the ideas and practices of our preferred school of therapy. However, as experience (and clients!) teach us, we learn how to integrate other practices and we each develop our own unique therapeutic philosophy and practice which works for us. What’s important for me is that as my understanding of human beings deepens, I am able to refine my understanding of how ‘problems,’ ‘symptoms’ and problematic coping mechanisms develop and are used, and from that I can develop an integrated therapeutic philosophy that is congruent with my personal belief system.
When I begin a counselling relationship, I very much approach the work from a Person-Centred perspective; following the client rather than directing them in any direction. I aim to understand the client's unique experience and I listen carefully to the words they use, reflecting them back, or challenging them. Quite often I find, when I question client's usage of particular words or ask them what they mean by a specific word, the client themselves isn't sure, or hasn't really stopped to think about the words they're using. I love words and language and my work with clients has taught me to never assume that I understand what my clients mean … I always question their interpretations of what I say to them and I always ask them what they mean by specific words they use. For example, in my work in GP surgeries, so many clients tell me they feel ‘depressed’, or the GP has diagnosed them with ‘depression’. I never I assume I know what they mean by that word or diagnosis … I always ask them what their experience and / or understanding of depression is. I see every client as a unique individual and I’m interested in hearing and understanding (as closely as I can) their unique, individual experience.
As our counselling relationship develops, I continue to follow, or walk alongside my client. I aim to remain empathic with them to understand their experience and I remain mostly non-directive. However, I’m also always mindful that as clients talk, their words often trigger theories, exercises and practices from different therapeutic schools, and it’s at this point, as the client’s words have suggested these things to me, that I bring other therapeutic practices into my work.
I've recently become intrigued by Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnosis; and especially the language patterns used in each. In the past I've been very sceptical about NLP, but over the last few months, I've began reading more and more about the approach, its philosophy and structure, and I’ve been surprised to realise how much of its philosophy I’ve been able to integrate into my idea of person-centredness. Indeed, how much of it seems to overlap with the philosophy of Person-Centred Therapy.
I’m embarking on a training course tomorrow in NLP and am greatly looking forward to learning more. At this stage, I have no idea how, or even if I’ll be able to, integrate any of its practices into my current work, but I’m looking forward to finding out. My current feeling, from the reading I’ve recently been doing, is that NLP will deepen, or give another perspective to some of my current ideas and therapeutic beliefs. I’m open to them all being challenged and questioned….
At this stage in my therapy career and my own personal development journey, I’m very much looking forward to the coming year and seeing how, and where, my practice (and my Self) develops….
Thursday, 27 January 2011
Sunday, 23 January 2011
Reflections on Eating Distress
I’ve spent most of this weekend transcribing interviews I’ve conducted with experienced therapists who work solely with clients presenting with eating disorders. Listening to their experiences and reflecting on my own, both with clients I’ve worked with, and my own history, has left me feeling really sad at the depths of despair that some people using eating disordered behaviour are experiencing.
As someone with past experience of both Anorexia and Bulimia, I’m also left feeling full of gratitude, that although I did spend many years lost in the despair associated with disordered eating, I was one of the lucky ones. Psychologically, and emotionally, I suffered deeply for a number of years, but my physical health was never compromised to any dangerous extent. When I hear, or read about, some of the extreme practices that some people with eating distress are driven to use, I feel thankful, that although I did self-starve, I did binge and purge, I never did so to a point where my life was in imminent danger … many people do. Indeed, many people lose their lives to eating distress; how sad that the very substance that nurtures us and keeps us alive, can, when an individual develops a complex relationship with it, lead to some peoples’ death.
I find it desperately sad to reflect on the individual with Anorexia, who, although she is starving, feels she has to deny herself food, has to deny her own bodily hunger, because she feels unworthy of food. Because she feels so worthless that her bodily needs don’t deserve to be satisfied. Because she feels so worthless, she feels that she doesn’t deserve to exist. I remember the absolute terror and fear associated with food and eating … of being hungry, of wanting to eat, but of an overwhelming fear, a sense of terror, that wouldn’t allow me to.
And then I read and hear about some of the extremes some people with Bulimia go to, the huge amounts of food they can binge on, stealing to get that food, eating raw, or frozen food because they’re so desperate. And again, yes, I binged, but never to those extremes. It makes me reflect though on the absolute despair, self-disgust, shame and fear I used to experience before, during and after a binge / purge. And the inability to control it … not wanting to binge, knowing it would just lead to me feeling bad about myself, to feeling disgusted, and knowing I’d have to ‘get rid’ of that food before it became visible on my body as increased weight. Not wanting to purge and make myself sick, because I was aware of the disgust and shame I’d feel afterwards, and the fear (again, sometimes terror) as to the potential damage I was doing to my body and my health.
And yet, although eating distress seems to focus on food, that’s not what it’s really about. Eating Disorders are coping mechanisms individuals develop in order to survive. They are complex conditions with many factors leading to their development and maintenance … and consequently, this makes them so difficult to treat. Every individual experiencing eating distress has their own individual story … and hence every individual needs help to understand their own unique and personal meaning behind, and need for, their behaviour. Everyone’s path through, and out of an eating disorder will be different. It won’t always be easy, but for many people (sadly not all), there is a way out. And it’s about understanding the symbolic meaning of their use of food, and their behaviour. What purpose is it serving? What more effective ways can they find of coping with life, coping with their Self and their feelings, so that they now longer need to rely on food …
And speaking from personal experience … there is a way forward, free from eating distress…
As someone with past experience of both Anorexia and Bulimia, I’m also left feeling full of gratitude, that although I did spend many years lost in the despair associated with disordered eating, I was one of the lucky ones. Psychologically, and emotionally, I suffered deeply for a number of years, but my physical health was never compromised to any dangerous extent. When I hear, or read about, some of the extreme practices that some people with eating distress are driven to use, I feel thankful, that although I did self-starve, I did binge and purge, I never did so to a point where my life was in imminent danger … many people do. Indeed, many people lose their lives to eating distress; how sad that the very substance that nurtures us and keeps us alive, can, when an individual develops a complex relationship with it, lead to some peoples’ death.
I find it desperately sad to reflect on the individual with Anorexia, who, although she is starving, feels she has to deny herself food, has to deny her own bodily hunger, because she feels unworthy of food. Because she feels so worthless that her bodily needs don’t deserve to be satisfied. Because she feels so worthless, she feels that she doesn’t deserve to exist. I remember the absolute terror and fear associated with food and eating … of being hungry, of wanting to eat, but of an overwhelming fear, a sense of terror, that wouldn’t allow me to.
And then I read and hear about some of the extremes some people with Bulimia go to, the huge amounts of food they can binge on, stealing to get that food, eating raw, or frozen food because they’re so desperate. And again, yes, I binged, but never to those extremes. It makes me reflect though on the absolute despair, self-disgust, shame and fear I used to experience before, during and after a binge / purge. And the inability to control it … not wanting to binge, knowing it would just lead to me feeling bad about myself, to feeling disgusted, and knowing I’d have to ‘get rid’ of that food before it became visible on my body as increased weight. Not wanting to purge and make myself sick, because I was aware of the disgust and shame I’d feel afterwards, and the fear (again, sometimes terror) as to the potential damage I was doing to my body and my health.
And yet, although eating distress seems to focus on food, that’s not what it’s really about. Eating Disorders are coping mechanisms individuals develop in order to survive. They are complex conditions with many factors leading to their development and maintenance … and consequently, this makes them so difficult to treat. Every individual experiencing eating distress has their own individual story … and hence every individual needs help to understand their own unique and personal meaning behind, and need for, their behaviour. Everyone’s path through, and out of an eating disorder will be different. It won’t always be easy, but for many people (sadly not all), there is a way out. And it’s about understanding the symbolic meaning of their use of food, and their behaviour. What purpose is it serving? What more effective ways can they find of coping with life, coping with their Self and their feelings, so that they now longer need to rely on food …
And speaking from personal experience … there is a way forward, free from eating distress…
Tuesday, 11 January 2011
Body Image … Embodiment … Embodied Subjectivity
The quote below was posted on Facebook today (11.1.11) by Marc David, the founder and director of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating…
“A postulation on Body Image: the only way to truly heal a negative body image is to ‘embody’ - meaning to land in our body right now, as it is - move it, breathe it, celebrate it, explore with it, get curious about it. Thinking we will love our body at some future time when it reaches perfection is a dead end strategy. The question is - what does embodiment mean to you?”
The subject fits very neatly in with my current PhD research topic where I’m researching the impact on the counsellor’s embodied subjectivity of working with clients presenting with issues related to disordered eating. This client group tends to have a poor body image and a negative or very fragile connection to their own body and I’m wondering if the empathic connection counsellors make with their clients has any effect on the counsellor’s own sense of themselves within their body.
Our bodies are how we visually present ourselves to the world. Our bodies are the vessel in which, and from which, we experience ourselves and our world. As babies, we were at one, we were fully connected with, and to, our bodies … babies respond automatically to their body’s needs and signals. But as we grow older, we are taught, and we introject, messages from people around us that cause us to disconnect, to varying degrees, from our bodies and its instinctive yearnings and needs. This, in many people, leads to a sense of shame; of their bodies … but also of themselves … for our bodies are our Selves.
And it’s this intrinsic connection between our bodies and our sense of Self that I’m interested in researching further…
The quote below was posted on Facebook today (11.1.11) by Marc David, the founder and director of the Institute for the Psychology of Eating…
“A postulation on Body Image: the only way to truly heal a negative body image is to ‘embody’ - meaning to land in our body right now, as it is - move it, breathe it, celebrate it, explore with it, get curious about it. Thinking we will love our body at some future time when it reaches perfection is a dead end strategy. The question is - what does embodiment mean to you?”
The subject fits very neatly in with my current PhD research topic where I’m researching the impact on the counsellor’s embodied subjectivity of working with clients presenting with issues related to disordered eating. This client group tends to have a poor body image and a negative or very fragile connection to their own body and I’m wondering if the empathic connection counsellors make with their clients has any effect on the counsellor’s own sense of themselves within their body.
Our bodies are how we visually present ourselves to the world. Our bodies are the vessel in which, and from which, we experience ourselves and our world. As babies, we were at one, we were fully connected with, and to, our bodies … babies respond automatically to their body’s needs and signals. But as we grow older, we are taught, and we introject, messages from people around us that cause us to disconnect, to varying degrees, from our bodies and its instinctive yearnings and needs. This, in many people, leads to a sense of shame; of their bodies … but also of themselves … for our bodies are our Selves.
And it’s this intrinsic connection between our bodies and our sense of Self that I’m interested in researching further…
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Dreams
I love dreams … my own, & other peoples’. And I love working with clients’ dreams in the counselling room.
I think your dreams can teach you a lot about yourself … if you’re prepared to listen to them and work with them. Dreams tend to be metaphorical and rarely send their meanings literally … which is what makes them so fun … connecting to your unconscious, where dreams play …
People often ask me how they will know if they’ve uncovered the true meaning / message of their dream …. Because dreams are so personal and unique to the dreamer, when their true message is uncovered, in my experience it’s something that hits at a real gut / instinctual level, usually with a smile … one of those “a-ha” moments when you simply know that it’s right, you’ve got it.
I’m sharing this dream on here for a couple of reasons … to illustrate how meaningful our dreams can be, and also because it fits in nicely with my previous blog entry.
I had a dream sometime during Friday / Saturday night; it was about me realising that my eyes were red and bloodshot, and I was worried about other people noticing. On being reminded of this dream on Saturday morning, I knew that it had some significance for me and I made a mental note to spend some time remembering and thinking about it.
The timing of our dreams can be significant … this dream came to me at a time when I was talking and thinking about ‘moving on’, and what that means to me. And as written in my previous entry, I now know that for me, ‘moving on’ means letting go of my old Self, my old ways of being, & allowing myself to become more of my authentic Self.
Out walking this morning along Tynemouth sea front, meditating on this dream, its meaning suddenly made itself known to me … I realised that for me, red, bloodshot eyes probably mean that I’ve been crying, which probably means that I’ve been affected by something deeply emotional or something which had touched me at a deep personal level. A lot of this crying and emotional experiencing, has, for me, been done in private … often feeling too ashamed or vulnerable to let people see the true depth of the ‘real’ me. I remember times when I have felt self-conscious after a period of crying and wondered if people could see that I had been crying … I’ve spent a lot of time restraining the real me, not allowing the full potential of my Self to be seen or experienced.
What I realised today though is that I’m ready to ‘move on’ & to risk allowing myself to simply be me, to be that real authentic Self and to allow people to see me with red, bloodshot eyes.
Thank you unconscious …who would have thought that dreaming of red bloodshot eyes would be a message to me to move on towards being true to myself?!
I think your dreams can teach you a lot about yourself … if you’re prepared to listen to them and work with them. Dreams tend to be metaphorical and rarely send their meanings literally … which is what makes them so fun … connecting to your unconscious, where dreams play …
People often ask me how they will know if they’ve uncovered the true meaning / message of their dream …. Because dreams are so personal and unique to the dreamer, when their true message is uncovered, in my experience it’s something that hits at a real gut / instinctual level, usually with a smile … one of those “a-ha” moments when you simply know that it’s right, you’ve got it.
I’m sharing this dream on here for a couple of reasons … to illustrate how meaningful our dreams can be, and also because it fits in nicely with my previous blog entry.
I had a dream sometime during Friday / Saturday night; it was about me realising that my eyes were red and bloodshot, and I was worried about other people noticing. On being reminded of this dream on Saturday morning, I knew that it had some significance for me and I made a mental note to spend some time remembering and thinking about it.
The timing of our dreams can be significant … this dream came to me at a time when I was talking and thinking about ‘moving on’, and what that means to me. And as written in my previous entry, I now know that for me, ‘moving on’ means letting go of my old Self, my old ways of being, & allowing myself to become more of my authentic Self.
Out walking this morning along Tynemouth sea front, meditating on this dream, its meaning suddenly made itself known to me … I realised that for me, red, bloodshot eyes probably mean that I’ve been crying, which probably means that I’ve been affected by something deeply emotional or something which had touched me at a deep personal level. A lot of this crying and emotional experiencing, has, for me, been done in private … often feeling too ashamed or vulnerable to let people see the true depth of the ‘real’ me. I remember times when I have felt self-conscious after a period of crying and wondered if people could see that I had been crying … I’ve spent a lot of time restraining the real me, not allowing the full potential of my Self to be seen or experienced.
What I realised today though is that I’m ready to ‘move on’ & to risk allowing myself to simply be me, to be that real authentic Self and to allow people to see me with red, bloodshot eyes.
Thank you unconscious …who would have thought that dreaming of red bloodshot eyes would be a message to me to move on towards being true to myself?!
Moving on
I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘moving on’ this weekend. It’s something we often talk about, but I’m now wondering what exactly we mean by it … & like everything else, I’m sure it will have different meanings for different people, or even different meanings for each of us at different times in our lives.
But for me, right now, this is where I, and my thoughts are with ‘moving on’…
Up until now, I’ve considered ‘moving on’ to be about ‘letting go’ of relationships, events, life stages and other experiences that are over, or no longer serving any positive purpose. And ‘letting go’ has meant that I no longer constantly think about that person or experience. I’m not reliving the experience in my mind, either exactly as it was, or trying to change things. The person I was in relationship with is no longer constantly on my mind; I’m no longer making mental connections to them or experiencing an emotional reaction to hearing their name.
I’ve spent a lot of time this weekend remembering past relationships, experiences and life-stages I’ve struggled to move through, let go of, and move on from … love relationships, leaving a job I felt safe in, the transition through adolescence, losing my first cat when I was 9 years old. In all of those situations, I spent a lot of time and energy clinging onto the memories & feelings relating to those past things. And in that clinging on, that refusing to let go, that refusal to accept what had happened or changed, I wasted a lot of energy and ended up feeling unhappy.
Recently I’ve struggled with, what in Jungian Psychology would be referred to as the transition into the second adulthood; leaving go of early adulthood where we live according to our Ego, and moving more into the inner self, and touching the Soul. (this is an interesting article related to this idea: Myth - Myth And Psychology ). I also took a long time to let go of a relationship, which intellectually I knew left no room for my ‘soul growth’, but which was safe and comfortable because we connected so well on the Ego level.
And what I’ve realised this weekend is that my recent difficulty in moving on has been because I was reluctant to let go of who I was … reluctant to let go of the me that has lived my life up until now; that Ego level me. I’ve been fighting with myself … or rather the ‘old’ Ego me has been fighting with the ‘new’ Soul / Real me. And up until now, my Ego has been putting up a strong fight … I think the balance might have shifted this weekend though…
And in some ways that shift is scary. Any big change an individual goes through can be threatening for themselves, but also for the people around them. To make a personal shift means relating to oneself differently, experiencing a different way of being-in-the-world and consequently, relating to other people differently. When an individual makes such a shift, it’s not unusual for their relationships with family and friends to change, often for the better, but not always. And I think that’s maybe been one of the things that’s been holding me back, preventing me from ‘moving on’ … if I change, how will that affect my current relationships? If I allow myself to change, that finally closes the door on the past relationship I mentioned above; it potentially means me being different in the friendships I currently have … & it means me having a better relationship with my Self.
And for me now, that’s what needs to take priority … my relationship with my Self; the Soul level / Real Self, not the Ego level Self. And I believe that for most people, connecting to the real Self inside is vital to allow you to live a truly authentic life. And from that level of authenticity, all relationships and experiences in life are lived at a deeper level allowing for greater and more honest connection.
So for me, ‘moving on’ is no longer about ‘letting go’ of the people, experiences, events etc., it’s about a moving on from the me that I was during those experiences & allowing myself to learn from them, to take that learning forward and allow myself to become more true to my authentic self.
But for me, right now, this is where I, and my thoughts are with ‘moving on’…
Up until now, I’ve considered ‘moving on’ to be about ‘letting go’ of relationships, events, life stages and other experiences that are over, or no longer serving any positive purpose. And ‘letting go’ has meant that I no longer constantly think about that person or experience. I’m not reliving the experience in my mind, either exactly as it was, or trying to change things. The person I was in relationship with is no longer constantly on my mind; I’m no longer making mental connections to them or experiencing an emotional reaction to hearing their name.
I’ve spent a lot of time this weekend remembering past relationships, experiences and life-stages I’ve struggled to move through, let go of, and move on from … love relationships, leaving a job I felt safe in, the transition through adolescence, losing my first cat when I was 9 years old. In all of those situations, I spent a lot of time and energy clinging onto the memories & feelings relating to those past things. And in that clinging on, that refusing to let go, that refusal to accept what had happened or changed, I wasted a lot of energy and ended up feeling unhappy.
Recently I’ve struggled with, what in Jungian Psychology would be referred to as the transition into the second adulthood; leaving go of early adulthood where we live according to our Ego, and moving more into the inner self, and touching the Soul. (this is an interesting article related to this idea: Myth - Myth And Psychology ). I also took a long time to let go of a relationship, which intellectually I knew left no room for my ‘soul growth’, but which was safe and comfortable because we connected so well on the Ego level.
And what I’ve realised this weekend is that my recent difficulty in moving on has been because I was reluctant to let go of who I was … reluctant to let go of the me that has lived my life up until now; that Ego level me. I’ve been fighting with myself … or rather the ‘old’ Ego me has been fighting with the ‘new’ Soul / Real me. And up until now, my Ego has been putting up a strong fight … I think the balance might have shifted this weekend though…
And in some ways that shift is scary. Any big change an individual goes through can be threatening for themselves, but also for the people around them. To make a personal shift means relating to oneself differently, experiencing a different way of being-in-the-world and consequently, relating to other people differently. When an individual makes such a shift, it’s not unusual for their relationships with family and friends to change, often for the better, but not always. And I think that’s maybe been one of the things that’s been holding me back, preventing me from ‘moving on’ … if I change, how will that affect my current relationships? If I allow myself to change, that finally closes the door on the past relationship I mentioned above; it potentially means me being different in the friendships I currently have … & it means me having a better relationship with my Self.
And for me now, that’s what needs to take priority … my relationship with my Self; the Soul level / Real Self, not the Ego level Self. And I believe that for most people, connecting to the real Self inside is vital to allow you to live a truly authentic life. And from that level of authenticity, all relationships and experiences in life are lived at a deeper level allowing for greater and more honest connection.
So for me, ‘moving on’ is no longer about ‘letting go’ of the people, experiences, events etc., it’s about a moving on from the me that I was during those experiences & allowing myself to learn from them, to take that learning forward and allow myself to become more true to my authentic self.
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