Moving on

I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘moving on’ this weekend. It’s something we often talk about, but I’m now wondering what exactly we mean by it … & like everything else, I’m sure it will have different meanings for different people, or even different meanings for each of us at different times in our lives.

But for me, right now, this is where I, and my thoughts are with ‘moving on’…

Up until now, I’ve considered ‘moving on’ to be about ‘letting go’ of relationships, events, life stages and other experiences that are over, or no longer serving any positive purpose. And ‘letting go’ has meant that I no longer constantly think about that person or experience. I’m not reliving the experience in my mind, either exactly as it was, or trying to change things. The person I was in relationship with is no longer constantly on my mind; I’m no longer making mental connections to them or experiencing an emotional reaction to hearing their name.

I’ve spent a lot of time this weekend remembering past relationships, experiences and life-stages I’ve struggled to move through, let go of, and move on from … love relationships, leaving a job I felt safe in, the transition through adolescence, losing my first cat when I was 9 years old. In all of those situations, I spent a lot of time and energy clinging onto the memories & feelings relating to those past things. And in that clinging on, that refusing to let go, that refusal to accept what had happened or changed, I wasted a lot of energy and ended up feeling unhappy.

Recently I’ve struggled with, what in Jungian Psychology would be referred to as the transition into the second adulthood; leaving go of early adulthood where we live according to our Ego, and moving more into the inner self, and touching the Soul. (this is an interesting article related to this idea: Myth - Myth And Psychology ). I also took a long time to let go of a relationship, which intellectually I knew left no room for my ‘soul growth’, but which was safe and comfortable because we connected so well on the Ego level.

And what I’ve realised this weekend is that my recent difficulty in moving on has been because I was reluctant to let go of who I was … reluctant to let go of the me that has lived my life up until now; that Ego level me. I’ve been fighting with myself … or rather the ‘old’ Ego me has been fighting with the ‘new’ Soul / Real me. And up until now, my Ego has been putting up a strong fight … I think the balance might have shifted this weekend though…

And in some ways that shift is scary. Any big change an individual goes through can be threatening for themselves, but also for the people around them. To make a personal shift means relating to oneself differently, experiencing a different way of being-in-the-world and consequently, relating to other people differently. When an individual makes such a shift, it’s not unusual for their relationships with family and friends to change, often for the better, but not always. And I think that’s maybe been one of the things that’s been holding me back, preventing me from ‘moving on’ … if I change, how will that affect my current relationships? If I allow myself to change, that finally closes the door on the past relationship I mentioned above; it potentially means me being different in the friendships I currently have … & it means me having a better relationship with my Self.

And for me now, that’s what needs to take priority … my relationship with my Self; the Soul level / Real Self, not the Ego level Self. And I believe that for most people, connecting to the real Self inside is vital to allow you to live a truly authentic life. And from that level of authenticity, all relationships and experiences in life are lived at a deeper level allowing for greater and more honest connection.

So for me, ‘moving on’ is no longer about ‘letting go’ of the people, experiences, events etc., it’s about a moving on from the me that I was during those experiences & allowing myself to learn from them, to take that learning forward and allow myself to become more true to my authentic self.