And then once we become friends, what is it that keeps us together? Because there are some friends who live just round the corner & who you see on a regular basis . . . & that frienship becomes based on familiarity & getting to know each other well by spending lots of time together & sharing things. They're the friends from whom you have no secrets and who you know you can rely on to be there at a moment's notice. And then there are the friends who live at the other side of the world & who you see infrequently. And yet still, when you do see those people, the friendship is rekindled instantaneously as if no time has passed. And with them too, you know that if you're in trouble, all it takes is a phone call & their love & support is guaranteed - despite the distance. And knowing those friends are there gives a great sense of security; it's like Bowlby's secure attachment base. Like the baby who learns to step out into the world and take risks because it knows it can rely on the secure base of mother always being there, our friends, in adult life, can provide that secure base for us from which to explore and to retreat to secured safety.
And yet some friends just drift apart. Maybe people change too much & it's too uncomfortable to accept those changes in each other. Because change in one person can very easily upset the balance of a friendship duo or group. If one person grows in a way that the other can't accept, then often the friendship can't continue, or certainly has to change. Change in one person can be very threatening to someone else when they feel their 'role' in the group is being threatened or when someone else's 'role' has changed.
So really I guess, the best friends are those who are simply there for us, wherever we are and who will accept us for who we are, even when we do change and move on. And I think that any of us who are lucky enough to experience those kinds of friends, should be thankful . . . because not everyone has them,x
