Up until a few weeks ago, I thought my life was settled & would remain fairly stationary for the next 5 years or so, but it seemed that life, fate, call it what you will, had other ideas for me.
Friday 29th May I discovered my cat, Scrumpy, probably had mammary cancer - an aggressive type of cancer in cats. I was devastated. She's only 12 & I'd hoped she would be with me throughout the duration of the PhD I'm currently working towards . . . but it seems it's not meant to be. She had an operation to remove the tumours, which was successful, but unfortunately, the cancer had already spread. The tumours are now back, and growing bigger, & I've decided not to put her through any more treatment, but to allow her to enjoy the rest of her life. Fortunately, she doesn't seem to know yet that she's ill, & other than a bit of discomfort if I touch the tumours, she's absolutely fine - enjoying being spoilt!?! But it's awful living under the uncertainty of how much longer I actually have left with her. (I think there's a whole blog entry in this one - pets & the role they play on our lives - but I'm going to save that one for another day!)
Back to my life . . . after time off work on the sick with an inner ear infection, (which, incidently, led to me losing my balance, tripping up & landing on the cat's scratchpost - breaking a rib & a tooth in the process!!?!) I went back to find that the funding situation regarding my PhD had changed - another kick in the stomach (or should that be 'ribs'?!) it seemed! It felt that all of the work I'd done over the last year had been for nothing. With fantastic support from my university (York St John), I've been able to turn the whole thing around & begin working with a different research proposal. And although I'm now having to self-fund it (& hopefully find some funding opportunities in other places - all donations very gratefully accepted!!!!), it feels that I have so much more ownership of it. It's all mine now!! Which feels good!!
The funding from work had also meant that I'd settled myself with the assumption that I'd be staying in my current employment for the duration of my PhD, & it felt quite good to know I had that stability. But with the change in funding, I've now realised that I'm no longer tied to them. I can do whatever I want again . . . & that feels good!! I've learned from this, that I don't like feeling indebted to an organisation, & this is where I'm realising that I need to start taking a few more risks with my private counselling practice & training courses. Take even more responsibility for establishing my career & working patterns exactly how I want them to be - become more autonomous. And that, too, feels good.
There's lots of opportunities for me at present (I'll tell you all about them some other time!?) & I'm receiving huge support & great advice from a number of sources, & I currently feel extremely excited & optimistic about my future . . . let's just hope I'm right!!
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