I think it’s important for us as therapists to remind ourselves of this sometimes. We work with clients, facilitating their growth and change and often, our focus, and that of clients’, remains purely on a positive outcome. But sometimes, to get to that outcome, a period and process of discomfort and instability needs to be experienced.
This is pertinent for me right now. I took a deliberate step onto a new path in my personal growth recently and have reached the point of feeling lost and adrift. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but with the experience and knowledge I have behind me, I can make sense of what is happening for me. I know that this sensation of not knowing who I am won’t last forever. I know that for me, this sensation means that I’ve let go of yet more past beliefs and ways of being that are no longer true for me. What I haven’t yet been able to do is fully grasp my new belief system and new way of being. But I do know, that that will come when the time is right. And so for me, uncomfortable as this time may be, I can also feel excited that a brand new me is about to spring into life … & I can look forward to meeting, becoming, and being, my new self.
It’s made me think though about clients who go through this process. Clients who don’t have the understanding and experience that I have. I imagine it could feel very unnerving; frightening even. They come to therapy in order to feel better about themselves, and yet sometimes, in order to reach that more congruent place, they need to go through a period of instability. And as therapists, we have to facilitate our client’s experience of themselves and living through this time.
It can be an unexpected experience for some clients, and sometimes too unsettling. The point of void can be a point of taking a big leap forward in to the future, or of retreat back into the past, and safe, established ways of being. But for everyone who stays with the process and comes through the other side, the rewards more than outweigh the dis-comfort … the sun begins to shine as the self sets sail on the next stage of its journey …
Your words hold such resonance for me too, and thousands of others of course. The work of William Bridges, his writings on 'life transitions', is a worthwhile guide, like a tribal elder, in facing the ritual of leaving, venturing for an indeterminate time into no-mans-land, perhaps a few false sightings of landfall, until the one you truly know beckons. Until i grasped the concept of the limbo, no-mans, i was so much more afraid of being afraid, of the unknown. Now i accept it more readily as part of the 'magic' of discovery, of being all i could be. Now i just need to work out how to share that when in a close relationship - another dynamic altogether!
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Philo ... I'll have to check out William Bridges ... sounds interesting.
ReplyDelete'No man's land' is a good description for the feeling I was writing about; thanks.